Tuesday, October 14, 2014

To Be More Like Her

Last week we went to the fair. Aubrey Jo had the best time. There were lots of little things that made me smile. One thing really stood out to me though compared to our trip last year. She has grown up so much in this one short year. Not only is she now TALL enough to get on a lot of rides by herself, but she is also BRAVE enough to step up to the line and ride by herself. When she got off, she beamed with pride jumping up and down "I did it with nobody!!" Each time we tried to get in line with her, she would say "no! I big girl. You wait here."

So independent. So brave. 

I like to think the last 2.5 years I have had to find some independence and make some hard choices and put on a brave face. But I have to be forced. I have to be shoved into the line, held down while they buckle me in and I'm so angry for having been forced outside my comfort zone that I can't even smile with pride for making it through the whole ride I didn't think I'd survive. 

Put me in a situation with people I don't know, a place I'm not familiar with or an activity I'm not sure I'll be good at and I totally shut down. Sweating, heart racing, tears swelling, full on anxiety panic attack. 

I wish I had my daughter's sense of independence and bravery. I'm going to be making a conscious effort to change that about myself starting now. 

If you could change one thin about yourself what would it be? What are you doing to make those improvements?

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

A Way With Words

The other day I totally unloaded on my boyfriend. I mean, it wasn't his problem, there was nothing he could do, but I just needed to get it out & he happened to be the one there. I felt guilty and added "sorry to always vent to you" because ya know, nobody wants to be the Debbie Downer. I wish I was all positivity all the time. He has his own issues. His response?

"I wish I could I say I understand your frustrations, but I don't. I will, however, always be here for you if you need to vent to someone."

Bless his heart, the man is not a wordsmith. He often misquotes or uses the wrong word and ends up saying the very opposite of what he intended. Especially on text. It sometimes makes me crazy but always makes me laugh.

This time though? Nailed it. That's all I needed. He didn't have to have the answer. He just needed to listen and reassure. That's it. 

I cried a little. He has been such a blessing to my life. 

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