Thursday, March 27, 2014

Thankful Thursday

I was a little snarky yesterday so let's turn up the positivity today. (#turndownforwhat)

Four years ago TODAY I got my positive at home pregnancy test. I can't help but look around me and think about how different my life is from that day. I knew then my life would change, but I sure didn't picture myself here. I am so so thankful every single day though to be a mom. To be HER mom. It's not easy, it's not always fun. It's not "puppies and rainbows" all the time as her cousin would say. BUT it is the reason I put one foot in front of the other and keep going. In a lot of ways I'm a lot better now. But in some ways, I'm just barely keeping my head above water & she's what keeps me fighting. I love her so!

I've recently changed my schedule at work. The hours each day aren't ideal, but I no longer have those long 10 day weeks. I'm so thankful for my shorter weeks and the flexibility my job has allowed me with trying to balance all the balls I have in the air right now. 

Today is cold. Yesterday was cold. BUT we have been getting the tease of summer here in Muddle GA. I am always thankful for some sunshine and warmer temps. I'm also thankful for the smart ads that will surely be reminding me of this post in a couple months when I'm complaining about the crazy heat & begging for "fall". (We don't get fall. And I hate pumpkin everything. I don't know why I always jump on that band wagon.)

We are slowly but surely preparing for our move from my parents'. I am so very thankful for online shopping & apartments that offer virtual tours. Because really- going in and having to do everything in person and buy everything in stores? Ain't nobody got time for that. 

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Sincerely, Me

Dear "Shaggy",
The "wasn't me" line is so 2001. Step it up & take some accountability. You lie. Your lies affect people. Your lies have hurt people around you. Continuing to lie makes it worse. You're a coward. 
With *no* love,
The Girl That Caught You

Dear Left Lane Drivers,
G O ! ! !
Seriously. Press the gas pedal or move to the right lane. This is basic interstate driving courtesies. 
Never a Fan,
The Girl Stuck Behind You

Dear Toddlers,
You're (mostly) cute but you aren't our bosses. Stop that. Mommy rules. Even if we laugh at your 'tude, that doesn't mean you won. 
Forever Yours,
The Women Who Birthed You

Dear Lunch... If that's Your Real Name,
It's not. It's not your real name. You're a banana and watermelon gum. Get out of here. And tell your friend sunshine to come out so I can walk & get something better. Or your friend lunchbox to make itself more visible so I will quit forgetting to bring a "lunch" from home. 
The Girl That Forgets You Everyday

Dear Body,
We are too young to quit now. No, seriously, let's pull it together. 
The Girl Carrying You Around 

Friday, March 14, 2014

I Missed It

I had the opportunity to meet my (almost ex) SIL's new twin baby girls. They're precious. All babies are, but they come in double. Holding them, inhaling their sweet smell, my ovaries were hysterical. 

One of them remind me so much of a certain prissy girl I used to cradle each day. Even her yawn. She yawned & stretched and reminded me of one of my favorite things about infants: the stretch. You know the one- pouted lips, squinted eyes, arched back & stretched arms. Little bitty fists that just barely reach higher than their ears. Remember that stretch? Oh, I do. 

When I got home that night, my toddler came running to greet me. She nearly knocked me down when she crashed into me with kisses. 

Then it happened. 
I lost it. 

When I stood up, she stood in front of me and hugged me. Hugged me. Like, wrapped her arms around me. Those same arms that used to barely stretch up beyond her ears? Now they wrap all the way around her mama. And when I try to break free, she grabs her hands and holds tight. 

Y'all. Her arms are long enough now to wrap around my waist and touch behind my back. 

When did this happen? I didn't even notice. I missed it. 

I'm taking a few extra minutes to memorize every single thing about her. It all changes so fast...

Sunday, March 9, 2014

A Proper Goodbye

In my family, there are hugs & kisses for every hello, goodnight & good-bye. Sometimes we get busy though, our arms are full, we are running late, or frankly, we are just annoyed. 

I remember an interview Jaycee Dugard's mom gave after she was found. She said she went in & kissed her kids goodbye every morning before work. That day though, life got in the way & she rushed out the door without proper goodbyes. She never imagined it would be EIGHTEEN YEARS before she saw her sweet girl again. Can you imagine? She said she had been late to work too many times & was just in a rush. I would bet she would be willing to have lost that job 10 times over to be able to go back & give Jaycee a hug and kiss that morning. 

It stuck with me. I think about it EVERY TIME I leave Aubrey Jo. 

Loving your child & wanting to give them extra hugs & kisses isn't the hard part though. The lesson I have to learn is one of patience. I'm like a broken record sometimes, "hurry up. We're going to be late. Let's go. What are you doing? Put your shoes on... now! Get in the car." I hate to be late. I hate to repeat myself. 

I like to give myself around 20 minutes to get to dance class. Last week, at 15 minutes til, I was still frantically ordering her to find her shoes. By 10 til, we are getting in the car. I get her buckled, get myself in, and shift into reverse... About that time, she remembers she didn't give Mimi & Papa a goodbye kiss. She reminds me they will cry if they don't kiss her. 

I have a choice. Tell her she can kiss them when we get back & haul butt to dance, sneaking in before she misses too much OR put it back in park, go around, unload her, let her go back inside, give proper goodbyes, then load her back in again, missing more than just a little.

I'd like to say the choice was easy... It was not. 

What would the other moms think? "That Aubrey Jo's mom can't get it together & make it to class on time like the rest of us. She must be irresponsible/ unorganized. What a terrible example she's setting." What would her coach think? "Aubrey Jo's mom doesn't respect me and my time. She thinks she doesn't have to follow the rules. She doesn't appreciate the work I am doing with her child."

I ended up putting it back in park and waiting "patiently" while she said her goodbyes- goodbyes that seemed to take muuuuch longer than absolutely necessary. Because as much as I hate the thought of teaching her it's OK to be late, I hate even more the thought of teaching her it's OK to skip a proper goodbye. 

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